I'm spending my work night in the front office again. It's quiet in here, with the exception of occasion conversation seeping through the wall behind me and the occasion rumble of a jet engine. I usually enjoy these nights because I can relax. I like to take advantage of the time to work on reading or projects, like all the wonderful things going on with Lilly's Dream. But tonight, I'm just feeling lonely. So very lonely.
You are my rock and the strength I need
To keep me sane in this life that I lead
Now I'm not with you and my broken heart bleeds
I never knew lonely 'til you
I never knew lonely could be so blue
I never knew lonely could tear you in two
I never loved someone like I love you
'Til I never knew lonely 'til you
Those are lyrics to the song "Never Knew Lonely" by Vince Gill. I usually play slacker radio online when I'm in here, and that song came on earlier. It took all I had to not break down in tears. It so accurately describes everything I'm feeling tonight.
I learned what a truly broken heart was when we lost F five long summers ago. But when I lost my babies, that feeling was magnified even more. Pain. Heartache. Lonely. Silence. I never imagined how much worse those things could be, but I definitely know it now.