Early this morning, I hit a HUGE milestone.
This is probably a bit of over sharing, but when I realized it, I wanted to celebrate.
I got up in the middle of the night to pee without a second thought or ounce of fear.
I know that probably sounds really silly, but this is seriously the first time in almost TWO years that I haven't been terrified of just walking into the bathroom in the middle of the night. After waking up in the middle of the night and almost bleeding to death in the bathroom floor when I lost Lilly, something that should be completely normal was excruciating for me. I would lay in bed for hours, painfully trying to hold it and force myself back to sleep, simply because I was terrified of going in there and seeing blood, even when I wasn't pregnant and knew nothing would happen.
This irrational fear was actually the cause of a lot of horrible flashbacks and nightmares.
I don't know what changed or what happened or why it was suddenly no problem this morning, but it was a huge relief and I hope it continues. I almost feel like a normal person again.
I have a three day weekend, so weather permitting, I'll be out planting flowers and prettying up the patio a little more. Oh, and I'm taking the ACT this weekend. I need to bring my math score up by one more point for a special program I'm trying to get into with work. Prayers and good thoughts are greatly appreciated!
Have a great weekend!