Check up.

I had a checkup with the doctor last week. My regular OB was on leave, so instead of just letting me wait another week, she told the receptionist to schedule me with another doctor.

I knew things were off to a bad start when the blood pressure cuff malfunctioned and bruised the shit out of my arm. I still have a pretty solid band of purple around my left arm.

I knew things were getting even crazier when the nurse came back in with anesthesia and epidural paperwork. I was 26 weeks to the day and no where near going into labor. But they were already shoving papers in my face for something that I had already told them I didn't want.

I let the nurse know that I had been having a few contractions throughout the week. She said the doctor would want to check my cervix, so she handed me one of those horrible pieces of paper to cover myself with and had me undress.

At this point, I had been there for almost 2 hours. There were issues getting my progesterone from the pharmacy. Then there was just a long wait time. Then the blood pressure cuff and the paperwork. I was tired. I was hungry. I was frustrated.

The doctor finally came in.

I saw him for exactly 3.5 minutes. "Well, there's a lot of mucus, but it looks fine. And your cervix is still closed. Come back in a couple weeks and we'll check again." And out the door he walked.

He was in such a hurry that he actually tore me while checking my cervix. I was in tears. I tried to kick him, and it only made it worse. I was actually shrieking in pain. Not yelling. Not screaming. Shrieking. Like an injured animal. And the louder I got, the harder he pushed. Then he just said his piece and walked out.

To say I was pissed would be a huge understatement.

And then today I talked to the Tricare reps about giving birth in the local birth center instead of the hospital. Once again I was told that I wasn't allowed because I'm active duty. Even though the Tricare website says otherwise. I've been told I can't do so many things over the past year because of being active duty that I'm starting to wonder just what I CAN do.  (No genetic testing. No fertility specialist. No second opinions, for three different things. No high risk specialist. No birth center.)

I've had some really bad experiences in this place, but I've tried to let them go. I've tried switching doctors. I've tried to remind myself that this is almost over. I've tried to remain positive and calm.

But I can't do it anymore. I refuse.



Next week I will tear that place apart. I will raise whatever hell is necessary at every level possible until I get the answers and the treatment that I want. My uniform means a lot of things, but it definitely does not mean that I have to settle for subpar health care, especially when it comes to my baby.