Trying.

Bryan finally convinced me to get the house ready for our little guy.

After he actually got me into the store, it wasn't quite as bad as I had been telling myself it was. I actually got a little excited about it. Honestly, his excitement probably helped fuel my own....especially when he started picking out some of his clothes.

I want to keep him in our bedroom for the first few months. So I picked out a corner for his crib and worked out how I wanted that space to look. And then, naturally, all this new stuff made me want new stuff. I had to have a new bed set for our bed. (By "had to", I mean that I literally threw a childish fit until I had picked out the perfect one and threw an even bigger childish fit until it was actually on the bed.) If we're gonna pretty up the room, we should just go for the whole room, right?

A few nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and stared at the empty crib. I cried. Deep inside, something in my heart tells me that this baby is coming home with us. But I know so much about all the things that can and do go wrong, about all the babies that don't make it home, and it's hard to not think about the fact that this baby could die too. So I just laid there, wide awake, wondering if this will ever really happen, if I will ever have more than just an empty crib.


My supervisor scheduled an appointment for me to meet with the Dept Head of the OB clinic last week. I started crying when I tried talking about all the things that have gone wrong in their care. So I just stopped talking about it. I didn't get the referral to the civilian facility I wanted, but I did get her attention at least. And the rest of my appointments are booked with her, so that takes care of some of the issues. I'm a little disappointed that I didn't handle it the way I had wanted, but since I stopped myself short of a really bad breakdown, I guess that's what really matters.


As of last week at 28 weeks, little guy weighs about 3 pounds, which I think she said was about 67% on their growth chart. I have a slight bicornuate shape to my uterus, so she said they would be closely watching his growth to make sure the uterus doesn't cause any restrictions. My cervix has been shortening quite a bit the last few weeks, and it's starting to....dip, I think is the word she used. She mentioned a possible induction if a growth restriction does happen, but I have a feeling he will show up before that happens. I will be surprised if we make it to August.


I'm trying really hard to stay positive.

Pictures coming soon.