There are freshly ripened blackberries growing outside our gate. I noticed them on my way in from work. So I grabbed the dog and the biggest mason jar I could find. They were amazing.
Yesterday I saw a post on Grieve Out Loud about a 30 Days of Muchness Challenge.
The lady, I believe her name was Tova, lost her twin baby girls last year. She later noticed that sparkly, sequiny things made her feel a little more happy, a little more like she used to feel. Her new love of sequins eventually brought about this 30 day challenge, which she has shared, in hopes of helping someone else find that little spark of happy.
(Yes, the word "Muchness" is from Alice in Wonderland. That's the line that really sparked this whole thing for her.)
Alice in Wonderland was coincidentally one of my favorite stories growing up. Yesterday I sat out on the front porch, remembering how much I was like Alice at one time. So full of spark and imagination. I thought about this challenge, and I decided I want to try it.
So today, whenever I can drag Bryan out of bed, I'm going out to Michaels to buy an easel and some canvases. I'm not really sure what I can come up with to do for 30 days, but I'm sure I can find something. And I'm determined to make at least a painting or two, even if it's only for myself. To prove to myself that I still have it in me. To prove to myself that my "pretty" doesn't matter to anyone else. To prove to myself that happiness really is in there somewhere.
Maybe I'll post about it on here sometimes.
On another note, I'm feeling much better than last post. No more crying. For now, at least.