Sunday, April 21, 2013

Something bigger.

Earlier this month, we passed the 2 year mark of the day that B was born and died. I took the week off work, and we went to the beach. A fun family vacation. Down time to relax and remember. To celebrate the little boy we love but only held for a short time.

But this is the Pacific Northwest.

We made it to the beach. And it was cold. And windy. And rained every day. It was absolutely miserable.

(I suppose that was fitting....)

I have just over 4 months left in the Navy.

I'm due to go back to sea duty. 5 years of sea duty and deployments. I just can't do it.

Someone told me that I'm being selfish and reckless with my family's future.

I've learned a lot over the last few years. About love. About family. About priorities. About what really matters. About following your heart. About trusting something bigger than you.

Everything in me, in my entire being, tells me to get out. That my family is more important than a deployment. That these youngest years are important to spend with my son, these years that I didn't get with his brother, these years that I may never get with another child.

If I wait 5 more years, there is a great possibility that I will never have another child, that Marshall will never have a little brother or sister.

My priorities have changed. My passions have changed. My direction has changed.

I'm feeling pulled to do something different, something bigger.

My heart is telling me to go, and I feel like I have to listen to it.

Big news coming soon.

(And by soon, I promise not 4 months, like last time. :-) )


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