Today.

Today I am farther along than I've ever been in a pregnancy.

I'm not sure if I'm more excited or terrified.


Happy Easter, everyone.

April 5.

Thursday came...and went...and to be completely honest, I slept through most of it.

I heavily debated posting about Brake on my Facebook. I finally gave in and made the post. And just like every other time, there were comments and messages that made me feel like I have to defend my acknowledgement of my babies. I hate those. Especially when they always compare it to someone/something else.

I cried. And then I got mad at myself for crying over something as stupid as Facebook.

So I just crawled into my bed and slept the entire day away.

I feel horrible that I didn't do something. A balloon. A candle. Some flowers. Anything.

But I think the worst feeling of all was Bryan not acknowledging Brake. He typically keeps to himself about things like that, and I completely understand that, but this time, on a day like that, on that particular day, I really needed to hear him talk about our son. It really hurt my feelings.


Today is turning into an equally tearful day. I think it's time to go back to bed.

Monday.

It's only Monday, and this is already turning into one of the longest weeks of my life. I'm dreading Thursday, but at the same time just wanting to get it over with already. And that makes me feel horrible.

I'm extremely sore, but I'm starting to keep food down. I'm up to a whopping 129.2 pounds. (As opposed to the 140 that I was in December.) My cervix looked fine a few days ago, but today it felt like the baby was settled a lot lower than normal. The pressure in my belly feels like it has dropped a couple inches, and it's a bit unsettling. But I'm to the point that I don't know what is actually a problem and what is anxiety.

On a somewhat brighter note, here's a look at how I've been spending the last couple weeks of short work days and a lot of lounging.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I've actually given the squirrel a name. I call her "Little Momma". She would lay in the sun on the roof of the bird house while she was pregnant. Now she's had her babies, and she scours the porch trying to rob food from the bird feeder, so I put some out just for her. I find her stare downs with the care pretty entertaining.


Here's to hoping the week goes by smoothly...